New Painting, The Quest for Clarity

16" x 20"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas
Available for online purchase here

“More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” -Francois Gautier

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans, right? Well, He has certainly had a good laugh on my behalf.

You think I would learn by now that good things only come from an authentic place, a place of clarity. This painting was a little light in the middle of feeling creatively tapped out at the moment. I have been working in the studio, a little too hard lately, with a sense of certainty...certain that I have to create something important, certain that this next piece will be my greatest.  After a week, it seems I ended up completely scrapping three canvases, just too overworked to salvage, and this one that was sort of my "test" canvas, my  "study" where I could be loose and free and not worry about the outcome so much, was the jewel.

Certainty can sometimes silence our strongest instincts–when, ironically, certainty is always an illusion.

The secure job could become obsolete. The dependable friend could move away. The stable relationship could run its course.

None of the things that seem secure and safe are guaranteed to endure–not forever, or for any length of time, for that matter. The nature of life is that everything moves and changes, ebbs and flows, with beginnings, middles, and ends.

We don’t get to know what will end when. We don’t get to know how long things will last. We can play the odds, try to align ourselves with probability for maximum longevity, comfort, and ease. Or we can instead focus on the possibilities that excite us and enjoy the journey to and through them, one moment at a time.

We can either make what seems to be the best choice for minimal loss and change; or we can get clear about what we want to do with the short amount of time we have, and then embrace the unknown, with our passion as a compass, finding our way as we go.

The irony about choosing the path that seems the most certain is that it generally guarantees only one thing: that we go through life wondering how things could have been if only we weren’t so scared.

Today if you find yourself clinging to something that feels predictable and safe, ask yourself: Are these the moments I want to remember when I look back on my life some day?

Newly Commissioned Piece, "Between the Stillness and the Movement"

16" x 20"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

Private Collection of Erina Alvarado

"You tell me to stand still but I am not walking," he shouted, "whereas you who are walking say you are still. How is it that you are standing still but I am not?"

The Buddha turned round, "My legs move but my mind is still," he said. "Your legs are still but your mind moves all the time in a fire of anger, hatred, and feverish desire. Therefore, I am still but you are not." 

- Majjhima Nikaya

Fine art giclee prints of this and my other original works are available here on my Etsy site.

New Painting, "Remain Fluid in All Things"

12" x 12" x 1.5"
Oil and Mixed on Canvas
Available HERE

When I completed this painting, I was reminded of the Charles Bukowski Poem, below...

no help for that / Charles Bukowski

there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled

a space

and even during the
best moments
and
the greatest
times

we will know it

we will know it
more than
ever

there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled

and

we will wait
and
wait

in that
space.

~ You Get So Alone At Times That It Just Makes Sense, 1986

And isn’t this the truth?  The space haunts me. It follows me around wherever I go, no matter who I’m with, at any given moment. At the darkest moments, it feels like a gaping hole in my small universe. At other times, the space is shallow, but it’s never full.

This space is restlessness, a longing for more, not be confused with unhappiness or depression. It’s fidgeting, constantly going and moving and talking and thinking. For me, it is a fear of never feeling complete or always adrift in the world.  But here's the thing I focused on while painting this piece...that's not always a bad thing.

But even in the best of times, times when I should feel like I have it all, there is a glint of something missing…

I have always thought that I just wasn’t occupying the space with the right things. It is an ongoing challenge for me to be comfortable there. So, I have always tried to fill it. I have tried to cover it up with family obligations, friendships, yoga, partying and work. But, I realize now, the space can never be filled.

As Bukowski writes, there is no help for that. The space will always be with us. What I strive to do is learn to accept it and face the insecurity, rather than fill it.

The space is not supposed to take us over. It is there to remind us that there is more and there will always be more. It is our motivation to continue searching for those things and people that keep the space small. And  there is nothing wrong with that faint indication of longing…

New Painting,"The Valley in the Middle of My Soul"

The Valley of the Middle of My Soul

30" x 40" x 1.5"d

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

Available

" A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." -Lao Tzu

This painting began as a study for a larger commissioned painting. I was able to play with the colors and textures and movements that felt right instead of worrying what was manifesting itself on the canvas met the requirements of the Client. In a sense, it came from a more authentic place. It evolved through me, flowed from somewhere in the valley of the middle of my soul...hence the title.

Detail

It struck me how much significance this piece had in and of itself. It is a part of the journey, and the journey itself is home.The path to enlightenment--and more practically, the path to mental, physical, and spiritual peace--begins, like most journeys, with a leap of faith. Through philosophical enquiry of just a basic surrendering of something we refer to as "ego," we may take the first steps of learning.

Decorate your Walls; Decorate Your Soul: 6 Reasons to Invest in Original Art

On Golden Waves
24" x 28"
Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

#1 Because it moves you and makes you feel

Some art just resonates with us. It moves us. It stirs our soul and evokes an emotion, a memory, an intangible thought – and we want to capture that feeling and feel it again and again. If you find art that you truly love, that makes you feel happy and inspired, buy it and bring it home with you, and you will return to that place every time you look at your painting. 

"The City of Blinding Lights"
24" x 36" x 1.5"
Oil and Mixed on Canvas

#2 – To mark the milestones

Some people like to collect art to mark the milestones in their lives.   For example, many couples like to invest in a piece of original art on their honeymoon, as a reminder of their wedding and the special bond that they have, and then purchase a piece each year on their anniversary. Others like to purchase new pieces when they move to a new home, or to celebrate the birth of a child and thus began a legacy of sharing the love of art with your children. Paintings also make the most memorable wedding gifts...you may not remember who sent you those crystal goblets but you will always know who sent you the painting. 

#3 -Art reduces stress

We are surrounded by to-do lists, chores, errands, and tons of advertising messages. Taking a moment or two to look at artwork gives us a visual vacation. It is refreshing. It can lift your mood. Owning and displaying art can enrich your life and reduces stress. It can take you back in time as you recall the memory or occasion you purchased it, or move your forward as a little mental escape.

Relax
24" x 24" x 1.5"
Oil and Mixed on Canvas

#4 – Art personalizes your space

The walls in your home are the walls of your own private gallery. You are both curator and artist. Choose art that is an extension of you. Original art is the ultimate conversation piece. It always gets noticed by your guests. Artwork is a signature way to personalize your home, office, or whatever other space you want to enhance. The art you select reflects your personality, style, and taste. It is a great way to make a space feel comfortable, to make it your own.

Original art avoids a cookie-cutter look. It brings warmth and life to a building and makes it a home. If you like quality – granite countertops and high-end fixtures and appliances – then I encourage you to invest in original art, rather than reproductions. Original art will enhance the quality of your home.

"Stay in This Moment"
10" x 10" x 1.5"
Acrylic and Mixed

#5– Original art is unique

There is nothing like an original piece of art. You are the only one in the world who possesses it.  With an original piece of art, you get the complete visual experience created by the artist. Sure, you can get a print instead, but the print lacks so much of the original. There is a richness to an original piece that just can’t be matched – or even come close! You get to see every brush stroke, all the nuances of color and depth. 

Self Symmetry
14" x 22"
(2 Canvases, 11" x 14" each)

#6 – You ensure that art continues to be made

Wouldn’t the world be a sad place without art?  If there were no art to add beauty and decoration to our lives? It is disappearing at an alarming rate in our children's schools, and as parents it is up to us to foster a love of creativity in future generations. 

Believe me, Artists are not creating art to get rich. There is something in us that drives us to create. When you purchase an original painting, you are voting with your wallet and helping to ensure that the Artist can continue making art!  

What other reasons to invest in original art can you think of?

I’d love to hear them! And thanks for stopping by!

Gladiolas
24" x 24"
Acrylic and Mixed on Canvas

All of the paintings featured are by me and available if you are looking for some original art of your own.  Email inquiries to utopiapkwyarts@yahoo.com.

New Painting, "Look at Your Feet; You are Standing in the Sky"

Look at Your Feet; You are Standing in the Sky

24" x 36" x 1.5"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

Available

Some works come easily and flow through me almost as if I have nothing to do with them but act as the vessel. Not so with this one. I fought and fought with this painting.  


It started off as the one in the middle with all the reds at the top. Initially, it was my favorite in that whole bunch I was working on at the time. I loved it that day when I took the pic below sooo much and thought it was nearly finished...but then things took a downward turn. I kept messing it up. I was trying too hard with it; my expectations were so high from the very beginning that every time I touched it I was disappointed. 

Each time I would go out to the studio I would try and try to make it something better,  more significant. Then for the past week I moved it to a dark area in the studio and have literally been hiding from it.


In a parallel universe, the same sort of thing was going on in my yoga practice. One of my favorite things in the world to do besides love on my babies and paint is to practice yoga. Thanks to this journey into getting to know myself better, as well as wonderful community of friends and teachers at Exhale, my daily practice has become a well that I draw endless amounts of strength, energy and inspiration from. 


The elusive handstand is something I attempt nearly every class. When the kids and I are horsing around in the playroom, we often do our handstand hops. (My five-year-old is pretty fantastic, BTW.) I am far from getting it, but every day I try.   As my teacher Brooke says, "You will never improve at a posture if you don't at least attempt it. it is in the trying that you grow."  Sometimes I can't even get my hips over my shoulders, sometimes I get it and hang on for a second, sometimes I fall.


This morning in class I tried. And lo and behold I caught some air. I could tell I did something differently because this attempt felt effortless. For what felt like an eternity (but was probably more like 8 seconds), I hung out in my handstand.  I could feel the love and support of my teacher from across the room. For some crazy reason, my mind wandered to my art sketchbook from Senior Year in high school, and this particular sketch I had done that had always seemed sort of random but all of a sudden made perfect sense: 

(That is the picture from my actual sketchbook, done in 1997.)  

The words, "Look at Your Feet; You are Standing in the Sky" clicked into realization. And then just as my mind wandered, I fell--very ungracefully, but luckily didn't get hurt--out of my handstand. The moment passed and class moved on, but for me a fundamental shift had occurred.

(detail)

I raced home, filled with energy and adrenaline. Luckily I had time in the studio today, and instead of running away from the painting I had grown to detest, I embraced it full-on, and added the layers of white and cream. Then I scraped away.  Then I added more layers of blues and turquoise, then I scraped away.  Vertical lines appeared, a virtual linear portrait of me in class this morning. 

Triumphant, the painting emerged.

So I will try again tomorrow, and again the day after that to do handstand. And I may get it but I probably won't. And my body will continue to be a vessel, a conduit, of energy and life and creativity. And I will remember that every day is a journey. And the journey itself is home.

New Painting, " I Can Hear You Singing to me in My Sleep"

I Can Hear You Singing to Me in My Sleep

11" x 14"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

Available here

All day I think about it, then at night I say it. Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing? I have no idea. My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there. You are so weak. Give up to grace. The ocean takes care of each wave until it gets to shore. - Rumi

(detail)

There is something about this one that really captures my state of mind at the moment. A definite longing for the sea has come over me as Dallas descends into the lazy hazy days of summer.  My whole life has drawn me to the ocean, something at once that is at once calm and tranquil, tumultuous, vast and knowing, mysterious and deep.  Something that is a part of myself that I have yet to find...thinking of the sea reminds me that every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.

Newly Commissioned Painting, "Plant Your Own Garden and Decorate Your Soul""

"Plant Your Own Garden and Decorate Your Own Soul"

16" x 20"

Acrylic and Mixed on Canvas
Tegeler Collection

I worked on this painting for a Collector, who also happens to be a dear friend, to be given as a gift to her niece on her 5th birthday. 


I thought of her the whole time and how much she is loved by her Aunt and wanted to convey that love as well as the wonderment of seeing the beauty of life through a child's eyes. 


The best compliment I could have received is hearing how much the child enjoyed running her hands over the rich texture and told her mom in a whisper, "I really like it, Mama."

"There are always flowers for those who want to see them."

-  Henri Matisse

New Painting, "All Around Them, the Universe Began to Unfold"

24" x 28" x 1.5"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

Original is available 

Giclee prints available for online purchase here.

I am so fascinated with the symbolism of the lotus flower. The roots of a lotus are in the mud, the stem grows up through the water, and the heavily scented flower lies pristinely above the water, basking in the sunlight. This pattern of growth signifies the progress of the soul from the primeval mud of materialism, through the waters of experience, and into the bright sunshine of enlightenment.

Though there are other water plants that bloom above the water, it is only the lotus which, owing to the strength of its stem, regularly rises eight to twelve inches above the surface.

According to the Lalitavistara, "the spirit of the best of men is spotless, like the lotus in the muddy water which does not adhere to it."

The secret is in the allowing and the understanding and with that, the letting go.

Perhaps today, right now, is finally the time just to let it all go, and let it all be.

Newly Commissioned Painting, "Come Boldly to the Throne of Grace"

"Come Boldly to the Throne of Grace" 

36" x 36" x 1.5"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

Wallace Collection

I came across the following scripture verse yesterday 

and it stuck with me:

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace. That we may find mercy and grace in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)" 

What a great reminder. I knew it belonged to a painting, but only when this one was complete did I see how the two fit together.  To come boldly, fearlessly, to something new and surrender to it offers the opportunity to find the grace within.

This client had a specific color scheme and style in mind and then let me run with it. Here is what emerged. I love working on commissions and allowing someone's vision to speak through my own. This union never fails to lead to something beautiful.


There colors were a bit of a departure for me, and already they have found their way into several other paintings I am simultaneously working on in the studio. I love how each painting influences the next and leads to progress and growth in this little artistic journey I'm on.

New Painting, Let me Come and be Still in Your Silence

24" x 48"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

"The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break." ~Julia Butterfly Hill

Try as I might, no matter what I am working on, I always return to my tree paintings. Their symbolism, the strength and frailty and giving they portray, is synonymous with how I see myself.  

(Detail)

Stella Gets Her Groove Back, or Thank God for Summer School

Feeling so inspired today...2 commissions and 4 new paintings rolling in the studio.

"I think people don't place a high enough value on how much they are nurtured by doing whatever it is that totally absorbs them" 

Jean Bolen

I tend to work in spurts, frantically creating every second I can steal away into the studio for weeks at a time, followed by  a bit of  a drought.  To roll with that analogy, these past few weeks have been like the Sahara Desert. During this downtime, I believe some part of my brain is subconsciously letting the creative energy sort of pool for a bit and slowly reprogramming, recollecting. 

Luckily these dry spells are actually a good opportunity to catch up on bookkeeping, updating the website, client meeting, etc...all of the business of being an Artist that most people forget about. Taking care of business (or "TCB" as we call it around here) is actually a welcome change of gears for me because it keeps me from feeling like my career is idling and the bonus is that often leads to more progress, jobs, etc.

It is amazing to me each time when these droughts strike that inevitably the muse returns...because when I am in one of my little creative breaks I often wonder how I am ever going to muster the inspiration up to paint again. To me, creativity is not something that can be "used up". It is an infinite well that we can always tap into.  Even though the well may lie dormant for a while, it is never dry.  I love how each new work I paint leads me to the next...this little journey I am on is quite an amazing ride when I stop back and take a look.

I'm sure it's no coincidence that all three of my kids, ages 4 and under, will now be out of the house (and out of my studio) two days a week for summer school.  It has been fun having them home every day for the past few weeks as it has given us a lot of leisure time to play with friends, plan fun excursions, but I am a big proponent that breaks are good for everyone.

Stella got her groove back!

New Painting, "Each Day I Return Anew"

16" x 20"

Oil and Mixed Media on Canvas

Available

To me, yoga has become a way of life over the past few years, and in many ways quite different than the life that I was accustomed to. This painting is a dedication to my daily practice. Yoga has empowered me to embrace life, which helps me be a more enriched wife and mother. Each day I arise before my household, sneak away to practice and I return to my family anew, refreshed, inspired, full of love and post-Savasana bliss that I try to carry throughout the day and impart on my children. 


 The reasons why we embark on the yogic path are different for everyone. Simply put, we could say that yoga guides us from a life of ignorance, selfishness and ultimate dissatisfaction into a ‘higher life’ – into a life that is lived with proper understanding of Universal laws and of the true nature of ourselves and the world around us – with the aim to bring greater meaning into an often otherwise aimless and frustrating existence, and to guide us along a path of evolution during our time here on this earth.

Yoga teaches us to know what the behavior is that will support a fruitful, spiritually advancing life, and helps us to perform the right actions, in the right manner, at the right time.  For these tools and knowledge I am grateful and inspired.

The kids and I were at the Dallas Museum of Art yesterday and I saw this quote on the wall in the Egyptian Artifact room. I snapped this picture while trying to explain to kiddos that the mummy and sarcophagus is not "yucky"...it's amazing. 

Love those wall quotes...it resounded with me on so many levels, and I feel struck a special chord with me as I had just finshed this painting and was searching for the meaning behind it.